always around
I do not regret ruminating on God. It’s a bit of a pass-time for me. Then, it gets a little weird like turning the lock on the front door seven times or using a new toothbrush every time I need to clean my teeth. After a while, the voice tells me to stop--to go focus on being a part of the world. This is when I know that it’s time to put aside rumination and contemplation; focus on my daily life and deepen my relationships with those around me. Like a dementia patient, I forget about God entirely and I get wrapped up in my daily wanderings.
And where is god in all of this? Right there peeking at me behind a door. like a dad watching me go into the school door by myself for the first time. Trying not to be seen but available if I scrape my knee and his words of encouragement giving me the courage to not let myself get pushed into the lockers. Then, escaping away once I am out of sight to go grab a latte and head off to his next job. We might not see each other for a while as I do what I can to float above the razor’s edge and take what comes as me.